Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part 1: The Signs of the Times

Post By ag Wed Jun 21, 2006 at 11:51:22 am EDT	Subject Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part 1: The Signs of the Times Originally All Right. Time to get serious about the PV. Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Repost Thread	In Reply To ag Wed Jun 21, 2006 at 11:42:25 am EDT

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Futuristic Peace Earth. A crazy name for an Earth but this is the Multi-Parodyverse so you get that a lot.
On this particular Earth mankind has conquered all it’s enemies and rules the planet. See those gigantic spires with circular disks at the top that lightly spin in the clouds? Those are buildings. The year is 2004 ad but humanity has achieved greatness. Early on it removed or adapted all alien cultures into it’s whole. With breeding programs and genetic experiments any threat of mutants was eliminated. All inferior alien races that came for a visit were imminently captured and brainwashed. They were also genewashed, allowing for no divergence from the norm.
Yes it’s a wonderful, peaceful planet where everyone is equal. Beautiful, huh?
Citizen 6923-01278 Andy Dean watched as the strange plaid wall of Anti-Story dissolved the futuristic city pods. His beautiful bride of ten years, Ziles Dean, ran to him. “Andy my love! The Techno-habitat scopes say it’s all over the universe! Everything is getting neutralized by that thing! What do we do?”
“The only thing anyone can do my sweet. Make sure if our world is to die our son lives on to tell the tale. Come by beloved.”
Andy, one of the greatest minds on Earth, led his wife to his lab. She was amazed at what she saw.
A little blue rocket ship like pod rested on the platform. The various flashing lights and knobs indicate that lift off was about to commence.
“Are you sure this is the only way?” Ziles asked.
“Darling, as you know, ever since those strangers from that other universe appeared and left I’ve had second thoughts about humanities actions. Maybe I should’ve fought and remained a Makluan. Maybe you should’ve remained a Xylonian. But we didn’t.”
Ziles picked up their infant boy as she listened to the man whom she loved and trusted more than anyone in her life.
Andy fiddled with some more dials and continued, “We agreed when those off-dimensioners left we would keep our second thoughts a secret. My only wish has been that we knew the better way before we allowed our only daughter Dragonia to be exiled.”
He looked down in shame. She touched his shoulder and silence rested with these two for a couple of minutes. At least until the terrible crashing and rending of metal began as their Home Residence Pod started to become dissolved in plaid.
“It’s time my love.” She gave him their infant son.
He takes a moment to kiss his offspring. “My beloved boy. May the heroes where you go take care of you. May you live on to see more days then we have. I love you.”
He placed his son in the rocket ship and activated the launch program.
A man dressed in green, purple and white holding a sign that read “The End is Near” appeared in their lab. They were so caught up in the emotion they didn’t see him. His face is a lock of tragedy and horror as he watched the tiny ship blast through the glass ceiling and vibrate to another Earth.
“Good bye Greg Dean, my sweet boy.” Andy Dean says as a tear falls from his cheek. He and Ziles lock into a lover’s embrace as the Anti-Story dissolves them for good. First them, then the rest of their universe. Forever.

Parodyverse Prime, home of the Lair Legion, JBH and many other heroes. It’s the main universe from which all the other Earths off shoot from.
Earth rotates beautifully as a warping effect occurs just above her. Now little Greg Dean’s ship comes out of warp and circles the planet.
A massive shadow covers the tiny rocket pod.

Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part 1: The Signs of the Times

The Lurker’s Hexagonal Space Ship. The man is very old now. He looks to be one of limited energy. He watches his many view screens where is seen the Futuristic Peace Earth becoming annihilated by the Plaid Wall. Another Earth appears on a screen. On it a hero who resembles Messenger but dressed in Woman’s clothing and carrying a pink handbag falls into the Plaid wall screaming.
A woman walks into his viewing chamber holding the sweet infant Greg Dean.
“Master should I place him in the habitat chamber so he can play and receive nourishment?”
“Yes my Leeta. Be careful. That boy just might help turn the tide.”
Leeta Trainor places the baby in a space crib and walks back to her master.
Another man, the man she has fallen in love with, Access, is watching the Earths die beside the Lurker. The screen now shows yet another Earth falling to the Anti-Story. This one has a Parodopolis completely engulfed in a giant Fern. The plant is screaming as the Plaid wall dissolves its limbs block by block.
“It is time my Leeta. Only a few more worlds before his power takes this one. Become your other self and go fetch my agents.” The Lurker commanded.
“Yes my master.” Leeta replied as she literally split into many duplicates, each one dressed in red and blue armor. They are one and she is many. She is Humdinger.
Humdinger warps through many portals to spots unknown at this time.
“What should I do Lurker?” Access asked as he watched the woman he has come to care for depart.
One of the screens flashed from the dying Furn to a simple pencil floating in a void.
“That is the Infinity Pencil. It is the last artifact of Earth Ranchburger. With it I might be able to turn the tide. I need you to fetch it and bring it to me.”
Access opened a portal by his own power and replied, “As you wish Master Lurker.”
“And Access, hurry. The signals of the end of the world should be starting right now. There will be a lot of frightened people out there.”
“I’m one of them.” Access replied before vanishing.

The Moon. A very strategic location for any hostile alien force bent on taking over Earth. In roughly a months time the Transworlds Challenge will begin and many worlds will want a piece of Earth but today most races are busy with their own lives.
There are alien agencies; however, who are interested in the Earth. Agencies who have set up shop on Luna, Earth’s solitary moon. Agencies who watch the activities of Earth. One of these agencies catalogs all information for their own purposes.
The Moon Public Library shines like a gem on Luna’s surface. Within it we find the sole agent of the Intergalactic Order of Librarians assigned to Luna, Lenard H. Bookman, busy cataloging the resent files on Fin Fang Foom and the Dark Knight’s return obtained from the Lair Legion computer.
On the various monitors images of Fin Fang Foom, the Dark Knight, Ziles, spiffy and the new Confiscator can be seen. A series of pictures on the wall show Len Bookmaker, an unnamed IOL Librarian, both Lee Bookman’s teen age clone and alternate reality version, Todd (one of the first IOL Librarians in our sector of space), Delbert Wordsmith (IOL Librarian during the Victorian Era on Earth) and Steven Books.
"Hey, Lee! You have a visitor!" D.D., the resident A. I. of the Library said over one of the speakers near where Lee was.
“And how is this any different then any other day D.D.? We are a library after all.”
“Well, this one is a bit different. Guess who it is?"
"I don't have time for games. Just tell me!" Lee said, with a sigh.
"It's male, 20 feet tall, has a bald over sized head & dresses in toga!"
"NO!" Lee yelled as he stood up fast, knocking over his chair.
Lee ran out into the main foyer and floating in mid air was an alien who's been missing from the moon for a long time.
"Hello, Librarian!" it said, smugly.
"I thought You were dead?" Lee said.
The being with a voice older then most stars, "That was not me. That was one of fellow Observers. For I am Utah!"
"You mean like the state?" Lee said without fear.
"No!" Utah yelled & it echoed through out the Library.
"Ok. No need to get defensive. So why are you here?"
"I am the Earth's new Observer!" he said as he raises his long blue gloved arm out towards the large window showing Earth. "You shall prepare for an oncoming Crisis! It will shake the boundaries of space and time! You are required to chronicle it, Librarian. Do this at once!"
"Wait a minute, Baldo. I work for the IOL, not you. So, you can't order me around! You could step on me but then you wouldn't get what you wanted down, so I guess you won't."
“Your little junior branch is quite quaint, but from this point on this planet has a REAL representative of an intelligent culture observing and cataloging information until the Resolution War. That would be me. I will watch and catalog all events for my masters while gazing at the many possible outcomes that could have occurred. Your little Order can still play house up here but only if you inform your human friends in the Lair Legion of my message. I will be within my home in the Turquoise Area watching for your decision. That is all.”
With that the Observer vanished, leaving a pissed off Librarian in his wake.
“What are you going to do?” D.D. asked.
“I’ll do it because it's the right thing to do, not because Baldo told me to.” Lee started off to prepare for the trip, “I cant stand those information hoarding bozos! There goes the neighborhood.”

“YURT STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!” The large peasant hut with attitude bellowed as he held up the crumbling bridge. The constant earthquakes have done a number on it already.
Jackie Rabbit hopped over the over large monster of brick. “Yes, you are! Keep using that strength Yurt! The others are almost finished getting everyone off the bridge.”
Kid Produce and Desert Rose were at either end of the Engelheart Bridge, helping the many people get through.
“What about our cars? We cant just leave them!” a frustrated man was demanding.
“Your vehicle will have to be lost! What do you care about? Your car or your life?” Desert Rose asked the man.
In the background Eli the elemental was using his tremendous winds to hold back the two hundred foot tidal wave as long as he could.
Jackie jumped off the JBH’s newest member, the Yurt, to land flat on her feet on the bridge. She watched the gigantic wave with fear in her eyes. “What’s causing all these multiple disasters?” she asked aloud.
From the safety of an abandoned sky scraper, clear on the top, a little eight year old girl dressed in a red cloak with curly hair watched Jackie with adult eyes. She shouldn’t be able to see that far away, yet she could easily.
“I cannot answer your question Jackie Roberts but I do know the time for you to face the truth about your life is close at hand.”
The light of the crimson moon glinted off her little fangs.
A ten year old boy floats down to join her. “Who are you talking to?”
“Jackie Roberts of course.”
“But Annabelle, she’s way over there. I don’t think she’s listening to you at the moment.”
“Roland, I wasn’t talking TO her, just.. oh never mind! Come. We must fly to the heroes island and delver our message.”
“You know, my sister, the CrazySugarHero resides there sometimes. I know you’ve developed a taste for ‘fan boys’ and he’s one. Maybe…”
“I do NOT drink ‘fan boys’, whatever those are.”
“Too sugery?”
“Roland you know I do not drink from mortals.”
“But you did drain those ‘fan boys’ out side of that Harper mortal’s cabin.”
“It did not happen.”
“Why did you go over there anyway?”
“That Harper mortal bothers me. I overheard him one day and I find his thinking on the subject of creatures of the night backwards. I just wanted to scare him a bit.”
“But then those two mortals saw you and teased you.”
“Look, I was very hungry and they were bothering me. That’s all I want to say!”
“I bet there’s fan boys at Liefied Comics playing Dungeons and Dragons if you’re still hungry sister.” He offered with a smirk.
“Roland!”

Noble Ausgard, the eternal realm, where gods walk daily and men fear to tread. Within the Great Hall noble Donar sits beside his love, Freyda, and visits with his guests.
Their son, Harlagaz Donarson, beams with pride as he shows his team mates in the Junior Lair Legion his home.
“And this is the mighty Great Hall. Many have come here to bow before my father and ask for his wisdom on matters too great to handle alone.”
“Donar has wisdom? With what? Buffy knowledge?” Kerry Shepherdson balked. Visionary’s face grew an extra worry wrinkle as he eyed the Palace Guards. It seemed insulting their liege wasn’t such a good idea for his ward to do.
“Uh Kerry…” he began before getting interrupted.
“Be nice.” Samantha Bonnington, the beautiful Fashion Accessory replied to her friend, “Anyone who rules over this many hunks cant be all bad.”
“Excuse me your highness but do you have any canines here in your kingdom?” Glory, the Mutt of Might, asked as she pawed her translator device.
Freyda elbowed her husband who was falling asleep.
“zzzzzzzzWhu? By My fathers beard Buffy! Slayith that..Huh?”
“You were sleeping again my love.”
“Forsooth! I wast not! Nay! I wast just.. ah.. resting mine eyes. Yea, that’s the ticketith!”
“The mortal pootch askisth thee a question.”
“Um, excuse me.” Ham-Boy interrupted, “but there’s a guy with long white hair and a big droopy Saxon-style moustache running up the front steps.”
“That’s is mine advisor and seer Visioneery. He lookith upset.” Donar explained.
“Visioneery?” Visionary wondered aloud.
Harlagaz laughed and patted his teacher on the back, causing all the air to leave Visionary’s lungs in a second, “See, mine father also hath a hoary old mentor of dubious realness."
“My Lord! My Lady! It’s horrible news!”
“What didst thou see old friend?”
“The end of everything sire! The entire Mythlands, all of Ausgard, Middlegard, EVERYTHING! GONE!”
“Donar, maybe you’d better send us home.” Visionary asked.

The small island nation of Badrapoor, where the new President is currently in a lot of pain.
“AARRGGH!” spiffy moaned as he dropped to the floor of his presidential office.
Beverly Mitchell, spiffy’s assistant, runs to his side, “Mark, are you alright?”
Mark Hopkins aka spiffy looks up through a river of sweat. His symbiotic fern is twitching like mad. “Y…yeah. It just hurts like crazy.”
“What hurts?”
“The fern. Something is brushing it’s home dimension. Something’s coming to our universe and it can’t be stopped!”

Seattle, the skyscraper belonging to Fashion Fairy Fabrications, a division of Mnemosyne Media, where despite the crazy weather, strange night skies and late hours, Sydney St. Sylvain, the C.E.O. of the fashion giant, holds a late board meeting.
“People, people, people. We’ve got to concentrate! We’ve been at this for hours. The company needs to produce this new line of spandex before the month is over. The stores are expecting the Wondrous Winter Wear line to appear in September and it’s already June! Now I realize Judy’s arguments are sound but we must also look at the budget on…”
It’s faint. Only one connected to the Mythlands, especially those lands of the Fairy folk, would catch the call.
“Not now!” she thinks in protest but a answering voice simply commands “Now.”
She sighs. “Alright people. It IS late. I’m sorry. Go home to your families and we’ll talk this over in the morning. Eight AM sharp people!”
The glad faces of her employees doesn’t list her spirits any. As soon as the last one has left she appears in the board room, sitting relaxed in Sydney’s chair.
“Just what do you think you’re doing commanding me like that? I’m not one of your flunkies at that side show club you run!” Sydney snapped at her intruder.
Camilla of the Fey simply smiles a daring grin and replies, “Temper temper little one. You are indeed a fairy are you not? Exactly. And as a fairy you are under my command, should I choose to exercise that command. Now, listen up. My subjects in the Mythlands reported to me a strange Plaid phenomenon brushing against the dimensional walls. It seems this thing is on it’s way here. I need you, little Fairy, to use one of Booke’s teleporters at once and high tail it to the Lair Legion. Let your friend and his partners know what I said. My people live here too so they’d better not screw it up.”

The Lair Legion mansion on Lair Island, home of the world’s greatest heroes.
Also the home of the frequent scream of horror.
“YEEEIII!” Nats shouts as he runs like hell out of the bathroom. He’s got on his jacket and the top half of his costume. His legs are bare but he is, fortunately for everyone else, wearing underpants. “HELP! LAIR LEGION LINE UP! There’s a swamp… thing coming out of the toilet!”
Sir Mumphrey Wilton, Falcon, Lisa, Mr. Epitome, Yo and Hatman all enter the main living room where Nats is.
“Dash peculiar wardrobe young Nats, what?” Mumphrey stated.
“Maybe cute Nats’ pants were chafing again?” Yo offered.
“What’s the problem Bill?” Jay Boats, Hatman, asked.
“There was something coming out of the toilet!”
Before anyone could respond the lush swamp creature known as the Bog Thing slumped out of the bathroom.
“The Bog Thing. The JBH reported him destroyed.” Mr. Epitome observed.
“Well apparently he got better.” Dancer replied as she walked into the room. “Sorry I’m late. Had the devil of a time getting coverage.. I mean getting through traffic. Anyway Bogsy, why the visit?”
“Must… inform… heroes… that my home…”
“Does he always talk this slow?” Nats asked while fidgeting.
“Shh!” Dancer shhhed him.
“…the Wookie-Getlucky swamp … tells me… the green… is in trouble.”
“The green?” Falcon asked.
“The earth. Shh.” Dancer shhhed again.
“The Nexus … between worlds… is about…to shatter…”
“Nexus? I set up for that band once.” dull thud offered as he stumbled into the room.
“Shhh!” more then just Dancer shhhed him.
“A Crisis… is.. coming. Prepare.”
“Ohhh! Cool! A CRISIS!! We can have crossovers and sell an action figure line and have everyone come back and team up against the bad guy but who will be Flash I wont but maybe we could get De Brown Streak to…” CrazySurgarFreakBoy! enthused as he bounded into the room.
“SHHHH!” Everyone shhhed but it was too late. The Bog Thing had already dissolved back into the toilet.
“I think it’s safe to use it now Bill.” Hatman offered.
“You’re kidding right? I’ll use the one near the monitor room.”
“Forget it kid.” Trickshot steps out of the monitor room, “I just did. Chili dogs for dinner. You don’t want to go in there. Hey guys spiffy just called. Said his plant is actin’ up. Somethin’ about it’s home dimension getting side swiped by some kinda thing. It’s on the way here.”
Hatman spoke up, “Wait. So the Bog Thing AND spiffy’s fern are both…”
A woman strode into the living room. She was bleeding and dressed in badly broken armor.
“Hold on miss! You cant just barge in here!” Mr. Epitome warned but Lisa stepped in front of him, “That’s an Amazon from Troia’s home.” She turned to their visitor, “Are you alright?”
“Legion! I’ve traveled far to speak with you! Your man freak answered the door and tried to touch me so I smote him to the ground at your entrance.” the badly injured Amazon proclaimed. The Legion started to notice her multiple burns.
“That was Flapjack. Sorry about that.” Lisa explained.
“Amazon Isle was under attack my multiple shadow creatures. A group of mortals called the Lair Legion of Super Heroes sacrificed themselves to stop them.”
“What? The LLSH are dead?” CrazySurgarFreakBoy! asked. “I was a member once.”
“I only know they died valiantly to save all reality.”
“How are the amazons? It Troia alright?” Dancer asked.
“Yes. The Queen is fine. We survived. But another phenomenon passed right by us. It was a great wall of plaid color. I’m afraid it’s coming here. Queen Troia wanted you to know.”
“Wait a minute!” Nats caught on. “Amazing Guy and I saw that thing destroying universes a couple of years back. It’s bad news people! How did you survive?”
“Someone called the Lurker is protecting us with his energy but he said he can’t keep it up very long. Now, I must depart. I have been here too long and must return to my land.Good luck heroes, you will need it.”
She left the way she came as Dancer spoke up, “The Lurker? He helped us before. I was on his ship. He gave me a tour.”
Before Trickshot could make a crack about Dancer’s time with the Lurker a glowing little pixie enters the room. Most know her but it’s CrazySurgarFreakBoy! who announced her, “Sydney St. Sylvain, the Fabulous Fashion Fairy! What’s up Syd?”
“Dream! Good! Listen, I just got a visit from Camilla of the Fey. She wanted you guys to know the Mythlands just had some kind of disturbance pass by.”
“Let me guess. A plaid wall?” Falcon checked.
“Yes. How did you know?”
Cressida, the telepathic tapeworm inside dull thud’s stomach, answered for him, “~We’ve been getting these all night.~”
“Then another warning will not fall upon deaf ears?” a young female voice checked. Everyone turned around to see two children, a boy ten years of age and a girl eight years of age looked up at them.
Dancer is taken by their soft sweet look, “Aw, kids!” she knelt down beside them, “Are you two lost?”
“Dancer, isn’t it a bit late for children to be out?” Mr. Epitome cautioned.
Yo knelt down to pat the boy’s head. “ Cute children must be looking for their mother and father.”
The boy gently brushed her hand away. “We have come to speak with you heroes about a grave danger.”
“Yes. I’ll just bet you have.” Mumphrey replied, “Legion, these are no ordinary children. Dashing nice to see the two of you again.” He stepped forward, “And how is your father?”
The children approached him with a certain unearthly feel. The others could almost swear they glided. The girl spoke up and when she did the Legion saw her little pointy fangs.
“He’s fine Sir Mumphrey. It sure is good to see you again.”
“Feel the same Annabelle. Roland, you’re ever the strapping lad.”
“Heh. Thank you. It feels good to see a familiar face.”
“Did you have any trouble entering the mansion?”
Annabelle responded, “There was a hunchback on the floor of the entranceway. He looked pretty beat up. After we helped him to his feet he offered us to come in for a moment.”
Mr. Epitome made a mental note to talk about tighter security with Flapjack later.
“Alright, hold on.” Hatman spoke up. “Sir Mumphrey you know these two kids? And their vampires? And they were invited inside our mansion? I thought if a vampire is invited inside it can come in anytime. Is this wise?”
“I agree. We’ve had enough security breaches today as it is.” Mr. Epitome started to move closer to the kids. Annabelle and Roland stiffened up. She responded, “Think what you do mortal. You may not like the results.”
“Hey you little vamp brat!” Tricky shot off his mouth while pulling a wooden arrow, “Flag-Face is an ass but he’s OUR ass! Don’t you go threatening him!”
“Typical.” She replied with disgust, “We emerge from the shadows and all we get are the old prejudiced attitudes. Like all vampires are evil.”
Dancer was still kneeling beside them. She gave Mr. Epitome, Tricky and Hatman an evil glance, “They’re just kids. I really don’t think they came all this way to kill us.”
“Yo agrees! They may being monsters of night but they be being cute monsters of night!”
“~There’s enough strange creatures in the world. Surly you guys have room in your heads for two vampires?~” Cressida added.
“I’d have to side with the girls guys.” CrazySurgarFreakBoy joined in. “My uncle by marriage, Khrys Constantine, is a vampire. He’s not evil.”
“How is Khrys doing? I haven’t seen him in fifteen years.” Twelve year old looking Roland asked.
“He’s doing great! He and Olivia just…”
“Look.” Mr. Epitome interrupted, “We can have social time later. We still haven’t decided what to do about the security problem.”
Sir Mumphrey replied matter of factly, “There is nothing to decide chaps. I know these two vampires to be of reasonable character. They are not the sort to feed upon the residents of this house. They are welcome here anytime they wish.” He turned to the ‘children’, “Now you’ll have to excuse them. All the vampires they have met were oinks.”
She giggled. “I’ve met that sort too. Anyway mortals, the reason we are here is to inform you that the Order of Righteous Vampires needs you to beware. There is a force coming that could destroy everything. This is our world too so please don’t screw this up.”
“Nice confidence you have there.” Falcon replied under his breath.
“We’ll do all we can. Sorry about the misunderstanding.” Hatman apologized.
“No harm done. Good bye mortals, and good luck.” They turned to bats just as a frightened Al B. Harper walked into the room. He just watched them fly out the front doorway.
“Al are you alright?” Lisa asked. All this dialogue was becoming boring for her so she was sitting on the couch doing her nails. dull thud was snoring beside her.
“If it be cute vampires you no need to be worried.” Yo offered.
“Vampires? Huh? No. I was in my lab working on the Utility Generating Huxiscope when I had asked for someone to hand me a screwdriver.”
“What happened then?” CrazySurgarFreakBoy! asked while hanging upside down from the chandelier.
“I handed him what he required and he ran screaming up here.” A man in an old housecoat and carpet slippers replied. He shuffled into the room behind Al (who had moved behind Mr. Epitome). He was still carrying the screwdriver which he promptly handed to the startled Nats. He looked like he had been dead for years.
“Another one?” Falcon asked.”
“I will be having a LONG talk with our butler.” Epitome fumed.
“I did not come through the front door like the Forsight children. I entered through the tunnels under the mansion. I used one of the ventilation ducts in your basement laboratory.”
“All the freaks are out tonight.” Tricky commented while plumping down on a chair. He put his feet up and relaxed.
“Once again Bastion, you misjudge an ally.” Mumphrey frowned at him, “This is the Abyssal Greye. And what do owe the honor?” he asked.
"If your band of associates do not take some action regarding the coming crisis then Gothametropolis York may be harmed. Oh, and also the Parodyverse may end. Kindly see to preventing it. Good afternoon." The Abyssal Greye then vanished, leaving only a moldy smell behind.
The all too familiar and frightening sound of the Manga Shoggoth then was heard coming from the kitchen. “I think it would be best to inform you something is indeed crashing through the dimensional barriers. And you’re out of tuna.”
“Oh for the love of Pete! How many more are we going to hear?” Falcon demanded.
“No tuna? Cripes. Worst news I’ve heard all day!” Tricky complained. Dancer rolled her eyes.
“Well before the next one shows up I’m heading upstairs to use the bathroom up there!” Nats said urgently as he headed for the grand staircase. A teleportation beam flashed in front of him, blocking his way.
The Librarian stood there, looking urgent, “Legion. There’s something I must tell you.”
“OUT OF MY WAY BOOKWORM!” Nats brushed him aside and flew up the stairs.
“What is his problem?” Lee asked.

The gleaming futuristic city is called New Paradopolis. The year is 3205 AD.
The large building is the headquarters and residence of the Lair Legion of Super Heroes.
The gorgeous girl with white hair and a mole shaped like a star sat up in bed. Sweat dripped down her face.
“NOOOO!” she screamed as she thrashed around in bed, still partially asleep.
“Nurall! It’s alright. You’re ok.” The young man with red hair replied as he gently tried to wake her.
Nurall Nett, the Legionnaire known as Dream Cheryl looked at him in terror. This was her love sharing her bed. Yet her mind wasn’t thinking of their night together. All she could see was the terrible visions that she gets her hero name from.
“Oh Tum! It was one of those dreams again! Something was wiping out the universe. My home planet, your home planet, Earth, the Legion, everything!”
“It’s alright my love. It was just a dream.”
“No Tum! It wasn’t! It was one of my prophetic dreams! Something’s coming! All I could see was plaid! It was so horrible!”
“We’d better wake the LLSH.” Tum Kalling, the Legionnaire known as Natstar replied.

That same plaid wall was finishing up another universe. Another Earth.
The people just stood there and watched as it devoured them. Heroes that had once helped them could not be seen.
Soothsayer appeared in a flash of light. A woman clutched onto his robes, “Did they send you?”
“What? Who? I’m sorry but I…”
“Amazing Guy! Trickshot! ManMan! They were here years ago. Back when Dark Thugos ruled our planet. They destroyed his forces and chased him away.”
“This must be Earth Thugos. It’s getting closer to the Prime Universe.” Soothsayer replied as he watched the world die.
“PLEASE HELP US!” He just stared at her with his sorrowful eyes. Soon the Anti-Story took her and the last remains of her Earth. He then disappeared as he was pulled to another Earth suffering the same fate. “Will it ever end?” he asked as he vanished.

“Let me get this straight. You’re asking me if I’ve seen any villains who would steal the guts from inside someone’s body? Dan that has to be the sickest thing you’ve ever asked me.” Commissioner Don Graham said to Dan Drury, head of SPUD over the two way SPUD communicator Drury gave him.
“(&%#@ BLAMED &&%$! I told you already! The &(^$ science villain Mood Swing was &^$#@ murdered in his &($#! SPUD cell! No one knows how or why! I need some &^$%#$@ clues Dan!”
“Well don’t yell at me Drury! I don’t know of anyone with that M.O!”
“What about you’re friend, the Dark Knight?”
“He’s been working on the Crying Clown case. Besides, we don’t talk as much anymore.”
“Well if you *(&%# hear of anything (&%#$ let me know!”

Back at the Lair Mansion the team have settled into the conference room.
“Why don’t we have Lisa summon the Lurker here so we can confer with him?” Mr. Epitome asked.
“That’s a smashing idea, Clancy my boy. I would assume he’s busy, but maybe he could stop by for a bit?” Sir Mumphrey Wilton agreed.
“Alright. I suppose I could. I summons the Lurker.” Lisa tried. Suddenly a strange energy effect covered her. She staggered and fell back. Hatman caught her.
“Cute Lisa! Are you to be oking?” Yo worried. Dancer stood up to help.
“I’ll… be alright. I just need to sit down.”
“What was that?” Nats asked. He was now wearing pants and sitting in-between dull thud and Trickshot.
“Something must have interfered with her abilities.” Al B. Harper explained. He was sitting between the Librarian and CrazySurgarFreakBoy. “She usually can reorder the Parodyverse to bring people to her but this Crisis must be reconfiguring the universe on it’s own. I would love to run some tests on her.
“There’s no time for that I’m afraid young Harper.” Mumph replied as he stood up and stepped over to the view screens. The Legion watched as the screens showed total chaos.
One screen showed Jackie Rabbit saving a woman while Eli the Elemental tried to stop a tornado. The next one showed Fetish Lad and Alcheman trying to stop a stampede of escaping zoo animals. ManMan with Knifie and the Ninja Accountant could be seen trying to save people from a burning building. Kid Produce and the Yurt were saving school children from an earthquake. Messenger, Desert Rose and the Saint were evacuating people from a shopping mall. Captain Astounding, Nun More Black and Granny Fang were watching as pillars of fire were sprouting from the street. The Black Pantser was jumping from tree to tree with a woman in his arms, trying to avoid falling pianos. Banjoooo has Elyse in his arms (she had breathing equipment on) as he was pointing as the Sea Monkeys were evacuating from their home during some nasty under water quakes. Natalia Romanza and Pigeon were rescuing a crippled woman from a clock tower. The golden age Pigeonman and Pigeonwoman were out of retirement and flying under the crimson sky. De Brown Streak was zooming a partially invisible guy (who readers would recognize as Ben Hermes, the Semi-Transparent Lad) from a burning Gulp 'N Go. Lesbian Liberator, Armored Amphibian, Spectrum Spectre and Roller Rocket were all trying to help the panicked people of Seattle. Jet Starscream, Inter-Planet Janet, Golden Guardian and Speed Freak were charging into some kind of freak snow storm. Goldeneyed and Frogman were standing before several invading rock monsters. Fin Fang Foom was fighting two pterodactyls above the New York sky line. Boy Wonder, Thunderstroke and L’il Buttie were helping college students get inside, safe from the basket ball size hail. Jack Rabbit and Horizon were fighting cave men. Swift was performing a reverse cyclone while Nitz the Bloody was banishing a monster.
Sir Mumphrey continued, “The weather and time anomalies have gotten worse. Everyone we can get is already handling something. There are still things not covered. I need Nats and Falcon to fly to Delaware to deal with the maple syrup floods. I need Mr. Epitome and the Manga Shoggoth to fly to Hawaii and help the local hero Kala Huni with that freak energy cyclone. Lisa I apologize but we must send you out too. You must go to WakandyBar with the Librarian and help with that rain of pianos."
“Of course Mumph.” She winks at him.
Eyeing Asil busy taking notes he continues, “CrazySurgarFreakBoy! and dull thud I need you to…”
“Actually Mumph I need to head back to Seattle with the Fashion Fairy here to help out things there.”
“Could you spare him a moment sir?” Sydney asked as she buzzed around the room.
“Of course. Yo take dull thud and go to Off Center Park. There seems to be a vortex opening up there. Lisa when you’re done in WakandyBar I’ll need you to join them. Hatman and Trickshot go to Carrington. The buildings are shaking pretty bad from the earthquakes. Dancer you stay here with young Harper and myself to remain on reserve. Does everyone know where they need to go?”
They all agreed and started to head out when Goldeneyed appeared in glowing yellow light. “Guys! Frogman and I beat the rock monsters but you need to come outside! Quick! It’s Finny! He’s hurt!”
The heroes charged outside but by the time they got there Fin Fang Foom was standing.
“Stupid dinosaurs pegged me.”
“You alright Fin?” Dancer asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be alright.”
“Look! The sky!” the Librarian pointed up.
“It’s not possible!” Al B. Harper exclaimed as he fiddled with a gadget.

[Crisis Pin-Up Poster #1: The Lair Legion
In front of the Lair Mansion, beneath a troubled plaid sky, our heroes stare out towards the sky. In the centre Sir Mumphrey Wilton and Lisa are surrounded by Mr. Epitome, Al B. Harper (with big Kirby gadget), the Librarian (with book), dull thud (slouching), and Visionary (with worried expressions). Crouched in front are CrazySugarFreakBoy! and Yo, both grinning, and Goldeneyed, eyes glowing, To the sides, Trickshot draws back his bow, Hatman takes to the air with his Rockets cap, Dancer pirouettes, and Nats flies upwards. Behind the group Falcon spreads his wings, the Manga Shoggoth bubbles outwards, and looming over all we see the huge draconic shape of Fin Fang Foom. Peering from the mansion window we can just see Flapjack, Amber, Art, Randy, Asil, Mindy, Hallie and the barest outline of a ghostly form that might be the banshee.]

As they look out the red sky is turning plaid.
“Uh Vish, how did you get here?” Nats asked the possible fake man.
“I don’t know. I was in Ausgard then…” he faded away.
“He’s back there. The Dimensional Organizing Reader just caught his signal.” Al replied, “Something pulled him here then put him back there. Everything is in flux.”
“Well then you’d all best be going. Cant be late for the end of the world dontcha know?” Mumph replied.

The Cowled Criminal’s citadel at the end of time.
Deep inside, within the darken rooms, the owner of this fortress gazes at his warriors.
They are Prizecatcher, Spacewarped, Duplicate Death, Plantgirl, Amoral Guy, Horrible Hare, Deadshot, Speedshark, Warblk, Spaced Fandom, and Amazed Adaptoid.
“It is finally time. You know who your targets are. Go! Bring them all here!”
Everyone but the Spaced Fandom leaves.
“Masster..er..er! What about him..im..im?” he points to the former hero known as Twisted Organ who is looking at a monitor at the Lair Legion separating into different directions.
“His time will come. Go my servant. Go fetch Yo at the proper time and place.”
“Yesss master..er..er!” the wretched creature scampers off.
“And Fandom?”
He turns and looks at his master.
“This time do not screw up or I’ll deal with you for the last time.”
A look of deep fear crossed the Spaced Fandom’s face as he ran out of the room.
The Cowled Criminal sat back on his comfy chair and looked intently at some obscure scenes with Jack Rabbit, Justin Tyme, Amazing Guy and Swift. There are scenes no one has seen before. They seem to be from the future and not a past event.
“Feh. Puny mortals like that could never stop my plans. The future images must be wrong. Still… I’ll have Swift and Amazing Guy captured just in case. Justin is lost and that stupid Rabbit could never be worth any more precautions.”
The images all change to the Hooded Hood.
“Soon my rival. Soon you’re little empire will fall. I’ll get my revenge. You’ll regret the past as much as I do.”

Next up, Both Amazing Guys against Amoral Guy! Humdinger gets a whole lot of heroes and some villains! Wil Magnusson and his incredible pencil! The fates of Lisa, Yo, Swift, Goldeneyed, Azure Arak, spiffy, Troia 215 and CrazySurgarFreakBoy! The death of Alcheman? Chronic! Killer Shrike! Glory! Nats new girlfriend (and it’s not Uhunalura or Temporary Death)! The Lair Knights! The All Star Winners Squadron! The Globetrotting Gangbusters! The Shattered Worlds!
All as soon as I can.

Footnotes Obsession

DEAD EARTHS NOTE:
Futuristic Peace Earth: DESTROYED
Humans took over the planet long ago and stole technology from the Austernals, Abhumans, Vesaliains and other superior races early on in history. The humans brainwashed and purged the other races. When alien races such as the Yo beings visited, they captured, neutralized and altered these races to be human. Here is a list of people seen on this Earth.

Andrew Dean, human (brainwashed, ex-Makluan) Dead
Ziles Dean, human (brainwashed ex-Xylonian) Dead
Greg Dean, human infant child
Dragonia, mutant, inherited her parents abilities, lost through portal and forgotten. She wound up in the dimension where Swift was trapped. She was set free briefly but in the story Swift: Escape Velocity, part 4
she was sent someplace else. Watch this space for where.

We first met this Earth in Amazing Tales #35, Multiversal Multipain part 1

Messenger is Gay Earth: DESTROYED
Gay, cross dressing, pink trench coat wearing Messenger lived here. A simple one note joke lost forever.

Earth Fern: DESTROYED
spiffy is the slave to a giant talking, people eating fern. It controlled all of Paradopolis.

Earth Thugos: DESTROYED
In this universe, the Hooded Hood’s children, Dark Thugos & Kumari ruled the universe. The Hood sent Amazing Guy (Tom Irving), ManMan & Trickshot to stir up a rebellion. The people of Earth were then free while Thugos & Kumari now live in Parodyverse Main. Trickshot spent months here building up the rebellion. At least they had a few years happiness.

YURT NOTE:
Ok, there’s a slight continuity problem here. This story was to take place before the LL’s resent battle with the Yurt in Untold Tales # but after that story spiffy winds up as president of Badrapoor. This is what I’m saying, the Yurt had gotten upset, ran off and the LL stopped him then turned him in to SPUD. Then SPUD gave him back to the JBH. That’s where he is as of this series. So far in my continuity the Yurt is still assigned to work with the JBH. Sometime in the future he’ll wind up at the Safe for Xander to retrieve in Untold Tales. Watch the series for further developments.

IN A LAND FAR AWAY NOTE:
This also takes place before Gav and Shep’s fine team up featuring Donar’s return to Earth. Donar has to stay in Ausgard or his evil sister Hoki will take over the realm.

ROTATING DOOR TO MANSION NOTE:
The Bog Thing guards the Nexus point at the Wookie-Getlucky swamp. He’s the Parodyverse Man Thing/Swamp Thing. He was thought to have been killed in resent issues of JBH. He is next seen as his swamp is destroyed in Untold Tales thanks to the Hellraisers.

We see the plight of the Faux Lair Legion of Super Heroes and the survival of the Amazons in part 2 of the Crisis Prelude. It wasn’t the real LLSH who died, but alternate versions of them from a defunct timeline.

Annabelle and Roland are children vampires who (as of this writing) are two hundred years old. They don’t usually feed on mortals but instead choose to feed on animal blood. There have been exceptions however. I did say they wouldn’t be in continuity but I’ve since changed my mind. Expect to see them again.

“The Abyssal Greye is the senior scholar amongst the Ghouls Under Gothametropolis, a scholarly band of undead civic fathers who shuffle beneath the cemetery in their carpet slippers researching from ancient tomes.” Who’s Who Volume 12.5 A big thank you to Ian for the Abyssal’s dialogue.

TAKE A PICTURE NOTE:
The Crisis Pin-Up Posters are a chance to take a snap shot from the story that anyone of the artistic ones among us might want to render. Adam? Please? Anyone? Bullier? A big thank you to Ian for this first one and the concept of these.

THANK YOU BRIAN NOTE:
Thanks to L! for helping with the wording for the Librarian’s part.

a.g.
Amazing Guy

Scott’s Site! Featuring Caption the Pic (where action figures talk!) and Amazing Tales on the Web (stories and micros of the Parodyverse!).

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